Why I Didn't Want to Keep My High School Yearbook

Regular readers of my blog (thank you) have probably noticed a pattern. When I am not sewing or crocheting in my "personal" time, I usually am organizing. Sorting something. Depending on my level of motivation, these sorts of projects either go very quickly and are highly satisfying, or they drag on and follow me around on to-do lists and sit in piles in the corners of the room mocking me. This week, it has been the latter type. I am trying to reduce the volume of my saved school papers and mementos - cards, news clippings, programs, etc - from three cardboard boxes into (I hope) two small plastic boxes. There is only so much of one's past that one can sanely haul around from house to house.

This project takes so much time though, because I get so engrossed in reading all these little treasures... it is an experience of many mixed emotions.

I was this close to tossing my high school yearbook. All the coolness and cluelessness of high school distilled into one heavy, black and white, pretentious hunk of bookshelf real estate. Reading it makes me feel like I'm sitting in the cafeteria, surrounded by people who I am certain have It all figured out. High school was not all that much fun. Even sitting at my own lunch table of friends, my own familiar and friendly little social island, felt like work. Having something clever to say. Getting the joke. None of this came easily. Most of the time I just wanted to go home.

The signatures don't even make me want to keep the thing around; there is something fake about them, too. It is a lot of pressure to capture a true friendship in one scribbled paragraph.

But underneath the yearbook there is more in the box: art, notes, schoolwork, journals. This is real. These mementos make me happy, make me feel secure. Hey, I DID matter. My friends wrote me some really sweet birthday cards, every year. I have thank you notes indicating that I was apparently a Very Good Friend. Tests with good grades and encouraging notes from teachers reminded me of why I liked school at all.

How nice it would be to go through high school without the self-conscious baggage. To be in an environment of youth and learning and fun and soak it all in with a healthy dose of perspective instead of a backpack full of angst. My mom told me that every morning as an adult she would wake up feeling grateful that she did not have to go to school. Ditto. I am much happier here. I'm not sure I need to be reminded of that high school cafeteria feeling every time I look through the yearbook.

But, rumor has it I will regret chucking the old YB, so it can stay... for now.

As for the rest of the stuff in the box...

Being reminded of what seven years old feels like? That is priceless. This journal and others like it will be the parts of my past that I will always want to keep.

A New List

Lately, the inside of my head has felt like this:

and while the messes get cleaned up, the kids are fed and happy and we all have been enjoying very pleasant and busy days, I can't shake the feeling that comes each evening: I am no further along than I was when I started this day...

I have a list, as I always do, of small-ish projects that I would like to complete in the next few weeks. They are projects of very little true importance, but accomplishing them would add greatly to my personal sense of completion - sorting boxes, organizing files, yada yada, all my usual favorites. But those sort of projects usually require my full focus, and I have two kidlets that rarely allow my full focus to proceed without interruption. And lately, by this time of night, when the house is quiet and I could get something done, I just. don't. have. the. energy. Not in a whiney, there's-something-wrong-with-me type way, just in a "it's been a long day already, and I would much rather just sit on the couch and read than create a new budget spreadsheet" type way.

So, to combat my mild depression over "what do I do all day, and how come I can never seem to cross anything off my list" I decided this morning to write a new kind of list. And this is what it looked like by the time I took its picture about 15 minutes ago:

So there, I do accomplish quite a bit in my days, even if my obsessive-compulsive List of Things to Organize doesn't say so.

I feel much better now.

Busy Fingers

I'm light on blog entries this month but I have actually been quite busy in the crafty/sewing world. And it has ALL been with materials on hand (otherwise known as fabric/yarn I impulsively indulged on years ago but now can feeling thrifty and smug about using because it was already "in my stash"). Right.

Anyway, can't go into a whole lot of details, because most of my current projects are gifts (except this one below, which Amy fell in love with and claimed for her own). More on all the particulars at a later date.

But as always, when I actually get down to sewing, or crocheting, or knitting or any of it I am simply so happy and I have been feeling really good in the last few weeks for actually churning through some projects, rather than just always thinking about them or making excuses about my lack of time, etc. Progress, productivity - a couple of my favorite "p" words.

I also happen to be reading quite a bit these days, too (and staying up way too late doing so). On my current list:

Dewey - which I am reading parts of aloud to Amy, and we are both enjoying.

Some French perspective - come to think of it, perspective is another favorite P word.

Lots of material on homeschooling, like this and this and this. Amy is not old enough for kindergarten this fall anyway, so I'm just collecting input right now.... this subject is on my mind a lot though.

And even though Don has been gone for a few weeks and I have had some twitchy moments in the last few days when I kinda want to run screaming out of the house, it has mostly been really good around here. The kids and I are in a very happy little routine, they are becoming more independent and fun with every passing day, and the weather here is just so gorgeous it is hard to feel twitchy for very long.

Life is good. I'll keep plugging away at those P's and report back here soon. Happy Weekend!

29

If I am a few days late blogging about my birthday, does that make me more or less self-indulgent? Hmmm...

I hope you'll excuse the indulgence; it was a terrific birthday. I somehow managed to schedule a dentist appointment for myself in the morning - not my first choice for ways to spend a couple hours without my kids, but it wasn't half bad. Amy and William happily played at the neighbor's house and I returned a few hours later to kids dancing around with balloons, a big fat cake on the table, and flowers, cards, champange, AND a gift card... all for me! I haven't felt that special since my friends brought me out to breakfast before school on my 17th. Especially since we are still pretty new here, I was feeling very blessed to already have a friend sweet enough to do all that for me.

The rest of the day was a breeze. The kids were happy, the weather was beautiful, and we went out to eat for dinner and got ice cream afterwards. It was the perfect "summer" birthday evening - something a girl with a March birthday has never had before.

Oh, and while William was napping, Amy requested that I paint her toes to match mine.

It really was a great birthday.

The Greatest Thing...

... since sliced bread is, well, bread that you slice yourself. Have recently settled on two versions of a basic recipe that I think will keep me from buying bread at the store for the foreseeable future.

... about baking bread at home is a bread machine to do most of the dirty work. Still loving my investment of almost two years ago.

... about birthday presents you pick yourself (and your husband sweetly orders as a "surprise") is getting to play with them early. This year: pizza peel and pizza stone. I have cracked the code. More tweaking necessary for sure, but already my first attempt was better than anything that can be found in these here southern regions.

... about this picture is that I really was this close to this pelican. He was not about to move. If I lived in his little corner of the world I wouldn't move either.

... about living in the south is that even though we were dressed like this:

two weeks ago, it is now 80 degrees and it appears spring (or summer?) is here to stay. (Yes, those are the blue trays on the shelf!)

... about little photographers is the angles that they capture. Above: our friendly little Beatta and his buddy Ellie Alligator the Algae Eater (she's hard to see). In six years I have never taken a decent picture of a fish tank. Below: Mister Blue's bluer-than-blue shoes. Photo credits for both go to Amy.

... about a catch-all blog post is including awesome little moments like this from two weekends ago:

Yes, my husband pulled my children around the backyard in the kayak. It was wonderful.

... and those munchkins? Yes, pretty much the greatest things of all.

Happiness Is...

... a full cookie jar. Of these, made with this. Only I didn't make them jumbo - just regular cookie size, so it is perfectly acceptable to eat 3 or 4 or 5 in a day... right? And I must say: organic butter tastes SO much better than the regular stuff. I have turned into a complete cookie snob. I actually threw out half a box of store-made "bakery" cookies that were, honestly, terrible. My 2012 goal: to become a homemade-snob about more of the things we eat everyday. Secondary goal: find a better word than "snob" to describe what I'm going for here... any thoughts?

Anyway, where was I?

Happiness is... a little bag for Amy's dance shoes (!). Whipped up in less than 45 minutes this afternoon by yours truly. With fabric and ribbon already on-hand. And I performed the how-to-sew-a-lined-bag mental cartwheel without having to look at a pattern. Go me.

Happiness is pulling off both these things on back-to-back days. I might just be on a roll!

All About Amy

It's been awhile since my girl got a post all to herself, and today is a good day for it. She was all smiles after her very first dance/gymnastics class today and I am SO proud of her. Just a few short months ago Amy was quick to declare "but I'm shy!" and hide behind me whenever she so much as saw another child approaching her at the playground. Since moving in to our new house Amy has found herself in a neighborhood of playmates just her size, and she has really come out of her shell. In particular she has made friends with the little girl who lives just behind us, who is exactly Amy's age, and happens to take dance class at The Little Gym. I took Amy last week to see what the place was like and she was sold. We spent a lovely ten days in anticipation of her first class, and it lived up to both of our expectations.

I didn't want to take too many pictures and give away to the other moms just what a big deal this was for me, too - this was pretty much Amy's first "away-from-Mommy" experience, besides times spent with family or friends. She's never been in daycare or preschool or other programs, so I am tremendously pleased with how well she did on her own and how much she fully participated in all the tap, ballet, and gymnastics skills they practiced. She talked about it for the rest of the day.

In other Amy news, she about <this> close to reading on her own. She has most of her books memorized of course, but even with new ones she is able to recognize some words and now reads aloud one word at a time, carefully trying to decipher what each may be based on the letter sounds and the pictures for context. She's not quite there, but I can't get over how she has leaped ahead in this area, literally in a matter of days. I think she'll be going to preschool knowing how to read. Wow.

Of course, for as much as she amazes me, she can also really wear me out - particularly with a string of questioning in the car, after a looong, tiring morning, that goes something like this:

"Mommy, do horses live in Africa?" ...

"Mommy, how do you get out of a traffic jam?" ...

"Mommy, how will that truck fit under that bridge up there?" ...

Etc. Or, tonight's bath-time gem, said with a tone of waning sisterly-patience: "William, poke your own belly button."

These days Amy would be happy to draw you an elaborate picture of any of the following: 1) Star Wars 2) What She Did That Day or 3) What She Did When She Was a Baby. Or a picture of the neighbors. Or their pets.

She has a bike now, a real one, and she can really pedal it. Also something she couldn't do just a few months ago. She goes down slides, she rolls down hills, she lets go of my hand.

All those "baby" milestones are exciting, but I am finding all these complex developmental growth spurts to be more fun and interesting than anything we have experienced yet.

Peace

Okay, I feel a little lame posting this, because the following is from the package of a bottle of "Inner Grace" perfume from philosophy. I realize that this is simply very clever and appealing marketing, but it is a nice thought all the same, and I wanted to share:

"To know peace is to know God. Within the context of peace we can know joy, love, and happiness. In the absence of peace we own nothing but the turmoil of our minds that jump from one negative thought to the next. To find peace you must shut off your mind and open your heart to the only thing that matters; the gift of the present moment, it is peace personified."

So there you go.

Christmas in Pictures

Though I know from many viewings and readings of The Grinch this season that Christmas would have come even without trees or stockings or presents, I am still so happy that we were able to create a home, and a Christmas-y one at that, just in time for the big day.

Extra credit goes to Don, who bought a tree while he was here by himself right after OCS, before we actually moved in. Before we had a single box or stitch of furniture, we had a tree. He used all the wallet-sized pictures I sent him while he was away this fall as ornaments. Amy and William added candy canes, and I added my grandmother's Shiny Brite ornaments. I really love this tree.

This has been the first Christmas in our family history that Don has had totally off. No work, no duty, not even any looming travel plans.

I did get around to making Christmas cookies - yesterday - while Don and Amy watched Star Wars and William napped. It was blissful.

We grilled hamburgers the other night - how nice to have the grill and the Christmas tree going at the same time. I think this climate will be just fine.

The exhaustion is receding, the pile of boxes is dwindling, and our home is taking shape more and more every day. And the first ten days in our new house have already been so rich in memories.

Christmas day will always be

Just as long as we have we.

Merry Christmas Numbers

1 week in our new house, as of tomorrow

9,000 pounds of HHG (that's household goods, for you non-military types) that thankfully fit in

One 26' truck meaning that our we did in fact empty and release our

10x20' storage unit, avoiding extra rent, extra expense, and an extra

530 miles (each way) to MD and back to get the rest. Phew.

2 kids and

3 cats and

1 fish held up amazingly well on the

10.5 hour drive south last week - which was preceded by

2 nights in a hotel and a

7 hour drive from CT to MD. Did all this lead me to come down with a

24 hour stomach bug or just an extreme stress reaction? The jury is still out.

4 bedrooms in this house - it's huge!!

40" LCD TV - Merry Christmas to us - we finally catch up with the rest of the world in the technology department.

$2.96 for gas down here - that seems cheap?

2 episodes of "The Life of Mammals" that I've watched on our pretty new TV while trying to write this post while also catching up on

10 days of neglected bookkeeping... which is perhaps why I'm out of good ideas for now.

12 days of Christmas have only just begun; please let me stay in the Christmas spirit long enough to make at least

1 batch of cookies and watch Christmas in Connecticut at least one more time.

MANY fun and/or necessary things to do in the next

8 days before Don starts his new job.

MUCH to catch up on when I resume some regular blogging (I've been promising that for awhile, haven't I?)

LOTS of love to all my friends and family out there at this most wonderful time of the year!

Blessings

It is really hard to know where to start on this one, because there is so much to tell. So many things about the last few days (which I keep wanting to refer to as "the weekend," but was in fact a Tuesday and Wednesday) that were so incredible, and so incredibly special. Yesterday, December 7th, the 70th anniversary of Pearl Harbor, Don graduated from OCS and received his commission as an officer in the US Coast Guard. Words can scarcely express how amazingly proud I am of what he has accomplished - not only getting into and completing a SUPER competitive and elite program, but finishing first in his class, and receiving no less than five awards at graduation. Forgive me for bragging and gushing just a little about the whole experience.

The fun began on Tuesday evening, when we got to get all dressed up and attend the celebratory dinner-dance. Don's been wearing the uniform for a long time now, but I've never gotten to see him in the "dress" variation, so I was a little giddy over that alone. We had a tremendous time.

Wednesday morning was the graduation ceremony itself, of which I have no decent pictures. The Coast Guard Academy is so beautiful, and all the venues were appointed so tastefully, and uniformed people everywhere made for such an impressive display... but alas, between the rain and the kids and the general commotion, I failed as a photographer.

Amy, however, did not, and she gets credit for the next three shots, taken during the brunch we had prior to the ceremony. She actually captured the feel of the whole thing quite well.

At several different points during all these proceedings I found myself brought to tears, in moments when I realized just how tremendously blessed we are in all of this, in every little way. So to kind of sum up the experience for myself and to keep from rambling on too much, let me conclude with a (incomplete, I'm sure) list of all the thoughts and moments that have filled me with gratitude over the last few days.

-Christmas everywhere, from the poinsettias and music in hotel lobbies, to the gorgeous tree and decorations throughout the Academy.

-Invocations at each event, and an overwhelming sense of the presence of God among us.

-Kids who held up through a bunch of days and nights of being off the usual routine, dragged hither and yon, and made to sit still a lot. Not only did they hold up, but they were little angels and got all kinds of compliments on their nice behavior.

-It may have been rainy, but at least it was not cold.

-Sniffles that (knock on wood) got better when they could have easily gotten worse.

-The privilege of staying in a really nice hotel, dining in a ballroom, and otherwise living the life for a short while. Oh, and Starbucks in the lobby.

-Gold stripes and bars and the awe that comes with what those mean for Don's career and our overall success as a family.

-Uniforms, and the pride of being a member of such an important organization and serving the country with distinction.

-Dress codes, and how snappy a bunch of people look when even the civilians are dressed nicely.

-Having our families with us for this whole experience. We are so blessed to have a set of siblings and parents that we are so fond of and whose company we so thoroughly enjoy.

-All the support and help from our families always, but especially in these last few weeks of moving, traveling, and events that have required more favors and babysitting than we usually like to ask.

A really exciting future ahead of us...